Space Cadet

So as last week was the last week of classes on of my teachers passed on a bit of advice:

"Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas."- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Honestly, I kind of brushed it off because I didn't want to think about anything expect for some final projects. But now that it is all over I've been mulling it over. She told us to analyze our friends often for this and the one's you talk about ideas with are people you have a really close connection with.

That's what I've been doing. Mulling it over. Comparing my friends to this quote. A quote of all things to compare my friends to. It sounds so silly. What I've been discovering though, I talk about people and events often. I rarely talk about ideas. In fact there is only one person I talk to about ideas.

Not that all of my other friends are terrible people because we don't talk about ideas. Maybe its because we don't know each other as well as we need to. Or maybe because we're girls and girls to petty things like that. Or all of the above. Who knows!

Although I have done some friend evaluating before then. When band ended I realized my friends were pretty negative. And it kind of goes along with not talking about ideas. But everything in life was such a negative thing.

"I hate her" "Why" "I don't know, I just do. I mean, look at her" "Yeah, she looks human. Great reason to hate someone..."

"Ugh. This is so stupid."

"I can't believe she did that."

It is much easier to talk bad about people than focus your energy elsewhere.

Guys, come on, why can't we do something positive? Being around negative energy is quite draining. Once I realized that they were negative about everything, I stopped trying to hang out with them. Trying to make myself fit into this group of friends that I don't necessarily want to be part of all the time. And I do enjoy their company on most days, but not when I want to be happy and positive. This group has caused so much drama in my life. You would think I don't want to be around them.

Is being around positive people too much to ask?? Can't we just talk about life and all the mysteries that surround it? Just let people be and be happy! Life is much better that way!

There is one person I talk to about ideas, and it's terrific. We literally talk about everything from life to death and everything inbetween. As morbid as it might be we've contemplated death and what is out in space and what happens after we die. Our existence on Earth is so unimportant compared to everything that is out in the universe. 

That's not to say we don't talk about people or events. But those aren't the main things we talk about. We talk about ideas and life and everything that goes with it. Every up and down life might throw at us. We talk about it all. Marriage, kids, jobs, family, school, daily occurrences, music, happy things, sad things, every little thing that happens. Life.

We aren't serious all of the time. We do joke about a lot and it probably isn't appropriate to talk about on here. But we have a well rounded friendship. I've never had a friendship like this one. Sometimes I forget how great it is to have someone like this in my life. I think everyone needs to have a Space Cadet in their life. There is so much to talk about with them.

The best part of being friends with a Space Cadet is that you will never be able to completely know and understand them. Their feet on on Earth but their minds are lost in the stars. And like the universe, a Space Cadet's mind is constantly changing. It makes life interesting.

I guess what I'm saying is don't limit your friends. Try to find someone who talks ideas. Who might be a little spacey. I promise you, life is a lot more interesting when you have a Space Cadet in your life.

❆ Snow ❆

Something magical happens when it snows

Well... as long as there isn't wind. Which in good ol' Laradise isn't all that common. But tonight...er... I guess a few nights ago (this has been in the works for a while), the snow was falling and the wind had gone away. It all looked very quiet. And with nobody out everything was peaceful. Still is pretty peaceful, actually.

Even though it was below freezing outside I went for a walk. Just myself, 10:30 at night, in the snow. The only thing driving me was my thoughts. Which is a beautiful disaster within itself. Giving my mind the ability to wander into what ever corner of my brain it wants to generally leads to trouble.

But sometimes it's needed. That's how I find out about myself. All of the fears and worries I push away usually come out. I don't like people seeing me sad or frustrated. I don't like feeling needy on my friends. I'd much rather be needed.

So on my walk, all silent, and by myself. I lost it. I had a meltdown. Sat down on a curb and cried for a while.

Why? I don't really know. Life has just been rather stressful lately, I guess. Kind of stressful. Only not really. I'm only stressed over one class and I shouldn't be stressed about it. We'll get this lesson done and present it and everything will go great. However, my groupmates don't really like to meet when we've planned it.

So that's great.

I'm homesick. That's for sure. This is my first Thanksgiving away from my family. I was fine until this past week and people started talking about going home. And although I have my apartment to myself for about two days, it sucks. It was my choice to go to New Mexico with the band. But, my band family isn't the same as my family.

I love my band family but I get an entire trip with them. I don't see my family that often. I miss them. A lot. I know I'll see them soon, but sitting alone in my apartment makes me miss them more.

It also makes me lonely. That kind of falls back on the fact I don't like feeling needy. I feel like I'm bothering people with my issues so I don't tell them. By doing that I isolate myself. As an introvert, I don't mind being alone. But I hate feeling like I can't turn to anyone when I  need to. I hate feeling lonely and isolated when I really just need someone to talk to.

I'm sure you're asking yourself, "but why not say something, I'm sure your friends are more than willing to help you!" You are probably right. I know I have friends who would drop things to help me. But I don't want them to.

I am so used to being strong for everyone else. I don't want people to think that I'm weak. I would much rather be the optimistic friend for everyone rather than a Negative Nancy.

Plus, these kinds of issues I don't like throwing on friends. If I could throw them off someone it would be a boyfriend, but that's not happening right now. It's just me talking to myself in the middle of the night while it snows.

Like I said, snow is magical. Not that it fixed my problems or even came close to helping in any way, shape, or form, it gave me a lovely scene to think in. Everything looks cozy when it has a fresh, untouched blanket of snow.

It gave me time to release everything that I had been keeping in all semester. Instead of talking it out with someone, I cried it all out. Thankfully it wasn't cold enough for my tears to freeze to my face or else that would be terrible.

Sometimes, taking a walk in freezing weather while it snows is all you need. And sometimes we get so caught up in our own little worlds we forget how almost insignificant our lives are and how insignificant events in our lives are even though they may seem big.

I'll get though this semester an go home and everything will be great, I know that. But how I'm feeling right now, all of these mixture of feelings, isn't great. I can't wait to be done with feeling these feelings.