Distance

Distance.

Miles.

Towns.

Roads.

Time.

People.

Space.

Distance.

It can be a very physical thing. I am 295.6 miles from home.
It can also be a very internal, emotional thing. I feel like I am a thousand miles away from you.
It can be both. I am 295.6 miles away from you but I feel like we are a thousand miles apart.

How do we get distance?

The physical distance is pretty self explanatory. You live in separate places. My home is in Sheridan and I live in Laramie.

The internal, emotional distance is not so self explanatory. When focusing on one person it's generally a mutual thing. But it can be one person pulling away from the other. I'm guilty of doing it and I've had it done to me.

I think we forget sometimes that the person we are distancing ourselves from is a person too. They have feelings. They have their own thoughts. Without good communication their thoughts and feelings seem to disappear. We live in a very egocentric society. We worry about how things affect (effect? I'm never sure which to use...) us, but not how it affects (effects) others.

Not that these people will ever read this, but I need to apologize for how I treated you. I knew it was wrong but I didn't want to hurt you, even though distancing myself like I did hurt you even more.


I notice the little changes and shifts in conversations with people. How often we talk now versus how often we talked a week or month ago. Even the ways in which we communicate. Facebook? Texting? Calling? Email? Face to face? What we actually talk about. Everything.

Generally, if I want you to be in my life, I make an effort to keep you in it. That's a pretty general thing that I think most people follow.

I get stuck sometimes thinking that everyone thinks like I do. "I'm talking to you because I like having you in my life. I'm going to make an effort every day to do that." That's how I feel people think because that's how I think. But I'm learning that's not the case.

Some people  pride themselves in communication and how well they might be able to navigate a conversation but their communication skills are sometimes less than par. And that's where the distance begins to start.

Communication is key to anything. Humans are social beings. If I notice someone not communicating how they convey their feelings, I question things.

When I question things my mind starts spinning a web that probably isn't the greatest. It's messy and filled with lies that my head made up. But are they all lies? Nobody will really know.

I'm just noticing a huge shift in conversation. It's not pleasant. I feel a distance growing. Maybe I should text you more..but the chances of a reply are slim. If I bring it up I'll just be rehashing things that should be left in the past with you.

I also put things into perspective. What they might be doing, their free time, etc. Maybe they can't respond right now, but they'll respond eventually, right? No. Just no. They don't respond.

But I'll keep texting you, sending you messages, in hopes that you'll actually respond to one.

Distance.
Slowly growing.
Slowly getting smaller.
Slowly making things hard.
Distance.

Space Cadet

So as last week was the last week of classes on of my teachers passed on a bit of advice:

"Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas."- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Honestly, I kind of brushed it off because I didn't want to think about anything expect for some final projects. But now that it is all over I've been mulling it over. She told us to analyze our friends often for this and the one's you talk about ideas with are people you have a really close connection with.

That's what I've been doing. Mulling it over. Comparing my friends to this quote. A quote of all things to compare my friends to. It sounds so silly. What I've been discovering though, I talk about people and events often. I rarely talk about ideas. In fact there is only one person I talk to about ideas.

Not that all of my other friends are terrible people because we don't talk about ideas. Maybe its because we don't know each other as well as we need to. Or maybe because we're girls and girls to petty things like that. Or all of the above. Who knows!

Although I have done some friend evaluating before then. When band ended I realized my friends were pretty negative. And it kind of goes along with not talking about ideas. But everything in life was such a negative thing.

"I hate her" "Why" "I don't know, I just do. I mean, look at her" "Yeah, she looks human. Great reason to hate someone..."

"Ugh. This is so stupid."

"I can't believe she did that."

It is much easier to talk bad about people than focus your energy elsewhere.

Guys, come on, why can't we do something positive? Being around negative energy is quite draining. Once I realized that they were negative about everything, I stopped trying to hang out with them. Trying to make myself fit into this group of friends that I don't necessarily want to be part of all the time. And I do enjoy their company on most days, but not when I want to be happy and positive. This group has caused so much drama in my life. You would think I don't want to be around them.

Is being around positive people too much to ask?? Can't we just talk about life and all the mysteries that surround it? Just let people be and be happy! Life is much better that way!

There is one person I talk to about ideas, and it's terrific. We literally talk about everything from life to death and everything inbetween. As morbid as it might be we've contemplated death and what is out in space and what happens after we die. Our existence on Earth is so unimportant compared to everything that is out in the universe. 

That's not to say we don't talk about people or events. But those aren't the main things we talk about. We talk about ideas and life and everything that goes with it. Every up and down life might throw at us. We talk about it all. Marriage, kids, jobs, family, school, daily occurrences, music, happy things, sad things, every little thing that happens. Life.

We aren't serious all of the time. We do joke about a lot and it probably isn't appropriate to talk about on here. But we have a well rounded friendship. I've never had a friendship like this one. Sometimes I forget how great it is to have someone like this in my life. I think everyone needs to have a Space Cadet in their life. There is so much to talk about with them.

The best part of being friends with a Space Cadet is that you will never be able to completely know and understand them. Their feet on on Earth but their minds are lost in the stars. And like the universe, a Space Cadet's mind is constantly changing. It makes life interesting.

I guess what I'm saying is don't limit your friends. Try to find someone who talks ideas. Who might be a little spacey. I promise you, life is a lot more interesting when you have a Space Cadet in your life.