To Whom it May Concern...

On a positive note, the book I read over Thanksgiving had this quote that I just adore. Maybe it's the puzzle piece thing about it. But I think it is so true.

Every Day by David Levithian 

Maybe we don't realize it at first but we shape ourselves so we can work with the other person. And it isn't a bad thing. No, not at all. It's a wonderful thing actually. You shape each other to fit, to be the best they can possibly be.

Sometimes it takes a long time to shape each other, other times it might only take a week! Every relationship is different. I think that's important to remember. People are different. People love differently. That's life. I think you know you've found someone great when they realize how you love and do things to show you they love you based on how YOU love and not themselves. But you must also be willing to do the same.

My relationship love languages in order from greatest to least: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. Which is a little different from my "single" love language.

Quality Time: I just want to be around you. Whether we're doing something exciting or something on our own but in our same room. I think there's a level of comfort in silence. Being able to be together and sometimes not talk, is normal for me. I value quiet time. But that doesn't mean my spouse can't be there with me. We could both be reading books in the same room. The main thing is that we're together. 

Words of Affirmation: I like hearing things. I like knowing that I'm loved and appreciated without needing to assume it. Maybe that's been missing in a lot of my relationships. It was just assumed that they cared. They rarely told me so I was doubting myself the entire relationship. That caused me to do some pretty crazy things I'm not too proud of...

Acts of Service: Actions sometimes speak louder than words. I appreciate my partner helping me do things. Whether I'm too stressed to do it on my own, or they just want to help. I love it. Especially if I know they don't particularly enjoy the task. Then I know they aren't doing it for them, they're doing it for me.

Physical Touch: I think this is important, but not the biggest thing to worry about. And I don't think it needs to be 24/7. I'm not big on PDA. I love hugs though. I think hugs can mean a lot. Whether it is just because or because we haven't seen each other. I think there is something nice about being in the arms of someone you care about. I think for a long term relationship, things should be a little more physical at times. Or maybe that just want I assume will happen because that's how society is.

Receiving Gifts: Because this is last, doesn't mean it isn't important. I do like getting gifts, especially when there is thought and time put into it. I just feel bad that people are spending their money on me. I'd rather they spend their money on something more substantial like food. It just depends on my partner, I guess. If I knew they gave gifts, just because they thought it'd be nice, I would appreciate it. And I would go out of my way to give them gifts.


I think being home has me thinking of relationships a lot.

What do I need out of a relationship? What is ideal? If I could go to a husband factory and make myself a husband, what would his traits be?

First things first, he would need to be my best friend. There would need to be a solid foundation based off of communication, trust, and honesty. I think those three go hand-in-hand. From there there's a lot of things. I don't like to think of myself as picky or needy but when it comes to this, I'm very picky. Personality wise, I'd love for him to be kind, funny, caring, generous, and open. If he could have dark skin and dark hair, that'd be perfect! That's my type! (Cristiano Ronaldo, DeAndre Yedlin, Fredy Montero, pretty much most soccer players). He would need to want kids and a family. Hard worker. Thoughtful.

We would find things to do that we have in common, but there would be things we don't have in common.  And that's fine, I expect that from any friendship. I want to be comfortable enough with him that I wouldn't mind looking like a slob. He would need to understand my silence and that sometimes, I need a couple minutes to be quiet and reflect. And I may not have a response to a question right away, my brain doesn't work like that. But I will have a response if he gives me just a couple more seconds before dismissing it. Sometimes, I'll need to bitch about things he's probably heard a thousand times, but I just need to get it out. He doesn't have to give me advice about it every single time. I just need to be heard.

He'll need to know that there will never be a perfect time to have a serious talk. He will need to rip the band-aid off sometimes for a serious conversation, even if the timing isn't right. It's better to get it out there. If we're honest, there shouldn't be many problems. Divorce is not an option. I don't care how screwed up we might be. If there was a good relationship before, it can happen again. It'll take work but divorce/separation won't happen.

Not that everything is perfect like a husband factory. But I believe if you find the right person, anything is possible. Soon enough, who they are will be perfect for you. It's like the puzzle piece; you shape each other so you can work together.

Singlehood... Future?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my future. Sometimes its as simple as what I'm going to eat for dinner but other times it's like long-term, future family kind of future. It's a weird thing to think of because I don't feel like I'm at that stage yet. But alas, I am.

I have two general options:
1. Stay single
2. Get married

Those are probably fairly obvious but I've thought about each of those options in depth... one more than the other.

I want kids. I always have. The easiest, most socially acceptable way to do this is option two. My spouse and I will have kids together. Pretty simple. Very common.

One Problem:

I don't have any male prospect. At all. Unless you count the attractive males in Once Upon A Time... But, I don't. So right now, option two looks very unattainable. That's fine. I don't really *need* a male person in my life. Although sometimes, it would be fairly nice to have them!

Option one, however, has been in my mind for a while. In one of my classes this semester we watched a documentary called "Sperm Donor X". The entire time I was watching it I was thinking "oh wow. This could easily be me." Since then, I've been tossing around the idea of being a single parent.

Thankfully, I'm not the only one thinking about that. One of my really good friends told me that he doesn't see himself getting married. However, he wants a child. And he would be one hell of a parent. Any child would be lucky to have him as a father. I'm excited to see what his future bring him in this realm of children.

Him and I have been tossing around the idea of single parenthood. It's an odd thing to think about, but a very realistic thing as well.

If you would have asked me a year ago, I never would have even considered this an option. To me it was married with a child or single without one. I don't want to not have a child. My biggest goal is to have a child. I'm kind of realizing that I might have to go against society and have one on my own, by myself, and that's an okay thing to do.

I tell my friends "If you are happy with this decision, then it is the right choice. It doesn't matter what other people say or think. What matters is your happiness. That's more important than their happiness about your choices."

I'm guilty of not listening to my own advice. I'm starting to listen, though. And if I want to have a child on by own, I'm going to do it because it will make me happy.


That's not for quite a while though. Like, after college. And who knows, I could meet someone by then and go with the traditional route! Which would be completely fine by me!

This type of thinking is odd for me because it is very realistic, very now. But there are options out there to be a single parent and they aren't bad things!