To Whom it May Concern...

On a positive note, the book I read over Thanksgiving had this quote that I just adore. Maybe it's the puzzle piece thing about it. But I think it is so true.

Every Day by David Levithian 

Maybe we don't realize it at first but we shape ourselves so we can work with the other person. And it isn't a bad thing. No, not at all. It's a wonderful thing actually. You shape each other to fit, to be the best they can possibly be.

Sometimes it takes a long time to shape each other, other times it might only take a week! Every relationship is different. I think that's important to remember. People are different. People love differently. That's life. I think you know you've found someone great when they realize how you love and do things to show you they love you based on how YOU love and not themselves. But you must also be willing to do the same.

My relationship love languages in order from greatest to least: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. Which is a little different from my "single" love language.

Quality Time: I just want to be around you. Whether we're doing something exciting or something on our own but in our same room. I think there's a level of comfort in silence. Being able to be together and sometimes not talk, is normal for me. I value quiet time. But that doesn't mean my spouse can't be there with me. We could both be reading books in the same room. The main thing is that we're together. 

Words of Affirmation: I like hearing things. I like knowing that I'm loved and appreciated without needing to assume it. Maybe that's been missing in a lot of my relationships. It was just assumed that they cared. They rarely told me so I was doubting myself the entire relationship. That caused me to do some pretty crazy things I'm not too proud of...

Acts of Service: Actions sometimes speak louder than words. I appreciate my partner helping me do things. Whether I'm too stressed to do it on my own, or they just want to help. I love it. Especially if I know they don't particularly enjoy the task. Then I know they aren't doing it for them, they're doing it for me.

Physical Touch: I think this is important, but not the biggest thing to worry about. And I don't think it needs to be 24/7. I'm not big on PDA. I love hugs though. I think hugs can mean a lot. Whether it is just because or because we haven't seen each other. I think there is something nice about being in the arms of someone you care about. I think for a long term relationship, things should be a little more physical at times. Or maybe that just want I assume will happen because that's how society is.

Receiving Gifts: Because this is last, doesn't mean it isn't important. I do like getting gifts, especially when there is thought and time put into it. I just feel bad that people are spending their money on me. I'd rather they spend their money on something more substantial like food. It just depends on my partner, I guess. If I knew they gave gifts, just because they thought it'd be nice, I would appreciate it. And I would go out of my way to give them gifts.


I think being home has me thinking of relationships a lot.

What do I need out of a relationship? What is ideal? If I could go to a husband factory and make myself a husband, what would his traits be?

First things first, he would need to be my best friend. There would need to be a solid foundation based off of communication, trust, and honesty. I think those three go hand-in-hand. From there there's a lot of things. I don't like to think of myself as picky or needy but when it comes to this, I'm very picky. Personality wise, I'd love for him to be kind, funny, caring, generous, and open. If he could have dark skin and dark hair, that'd be perfect! That's my type! (Cristiano Ronaldo, DeAndre Yedlin, Fredy Montero, pretty much most soccer players). He would need to want kids and a family. Hard worker. Thoughtful.

We would find things to do that we have in common, but there would be things we don't have in common.  And that's fine, I expect that from any friendship. I want to be comfortable enough with him that I wouldn't mind looking like a slob. He would need to understand my silence and that sometimes, I need a couple minutes to be quiet and reflect. And I may not have a response to a question right away, my brain doesn't work like that. But I will have a response if he gives me just a couple more seconds before dismissing it. Sometimes, I'll need to bitch about things he's probably heard a thousand times, but I just need to get it out. He doesn't have to give me advice about it every single time. I just need to be heard.

He'll need to know that there will never be a perfect time to have a serious talk. He will need to rip the band-aid off sometimes for a serious conversation, even if the timing isn't right. It's better to get it out there. If we're honest, there shouldn't be many problems. Divorce is not an option. I don't care how screwed up we might be. If there was a good relationship before, it can happen again. It'll take work but divorce/separation won't happen.

Not that everything is perfect like a husband factory. But I believe if you find the right person, anything is possible. Soon enough, who they are will be perfect for you. It's like the puzzle piece; you shape each other so you can work together.

Unfinished Business

I've been thinking a lot about love and relationships. They don't seem to be my forte which kind of sucks because I would love to have a family. Absolutely love it.

It seems like every time there is someone I could develop feelings for I find flaws in them. And then I become very uninterested. Quite literally every guy. Except one. That one exception to the rule. Maybe he's the "one"...maybe. It is a lovely thing to think about.

The only thing I know is he and I are unfinished business.

Maybe that's what we will always be. But maybe, just maybe, we can actually try. Maybe. Who knows. We have to see where the future takes us. I'm hoping it's on a path together.

It is a little cliche but I always tell myself:

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

That's what I did. I let him go. Kind of hoping he would come back but I knew I wouldn't be too disappointed if he didn't. We both did our own thing, met other people but ultimately for me at least, they weren't him. I've always known it. Never told anyone that that's why my potential relationships never work, but that's why. I looked for one quality that wasn't the same and I became uninterested. Sometimes for a good reason, other times for a completely ridiculous reason.


Who defines what "love" is? I mean really. What is love? The dictionary defines love as "an intense feeling of deep affection." That may be true, but I feel like there is more to love than that. Maybe love is how people express it. Which is possible, there are 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

My top love languages are Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. But that's as me being single. People have have a different love language when they are in a relationship and you can even find your child's love language. Knowing your love language as well as your spouse's love language can be very beneficial.

Everyone expresses feelings differently, that's life. I think the beauty in it is knowing how you express feelings and how others might perceive them. Maybe it is an INFJ thing but knowing yourself and the people around you is a special quality to have.

This is a quote from one of my new favorite books. Every Day by David Leviathan.

It is a new view on falling in love and soulmates. It is like we don't pick who we like, it's already been decided and we have to go out and find it. It's an adventure to find love. It sounds like a fun adventure!

But alas, the single life awaits me! Hopefully not forever.

Before I die, I want to be somebody's favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe. I will keep them safe.

Distance by Christina Perri pretty much nails my thoughts about it...him...love...this whole unfinished business deal...

Maybe I love him. Maybe I always have. Maybe I always will. Is that enough to not let us be unfinished business. Maybe. If we do get another chance, I will do things differently, that's for sure. Losing your best friend once is hard but losing them twice, that would be too much.

But getting another chance with your best friend, that would be lovely.

I don't know if you're reading this, but if you are, I mean this. All of it.

Space Cadet

So as last week was the last week of classes on of my teachers passed on a bit of advice:

"Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas."- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Honestly, I kind of brushed it off because I didn't want to think about anything expect for some final projects. But now that it is all over I've been mulling it over. She told us to analyze our friends often for this and the one's you talk about ideas with are people you have a really close connection with.

That's what I've been doing. Mulling it over. Comparing my friends to this quote. A quote of all things to compare my friends to. It sounds so silly. What I've been discovering though, I talk about people and events often. I rarely talk about ideas. In fact there is only one person I talk to about ideas.

Not that all of my other friends are terrible people because we don't talk about ideas. Maybe its because we don't know each other as well as we need to. Or maybe because we're girls and girls to petty things like that. Or all of the above. Who knows!

Although I have done some friend evaluating before then. When band ended I realized my friends were pretty negative. And it kind of goes along with not talking about ideas. But everything in life was such a negative thing.

"I hate her" "Why" "I don't know, I just do. I mean, look at her" "Yeah, she looks human. Great reason to hate someone..."

"Ugh. This is so stupid."

"I can't believe she did that."

It is much easier to talk bad about people than focus your energy elsewhere.

Guys, come on, why can't we do something positive? Being around negative energy is quite draining. Once I realized that they were negative about everything, I stopped trying to hang out with them. Trying to make myself fit into this group of friends that I don't necessarily want to be part of all the time. And I do enjoy their company on most days, but not when I want to be happy and positive. This group has caused so much drama in my life. You would think I don't want to be around them.

Is being around positive people too much to ask?? Can't we just talk about life and all the mysteries that surround it? Just let people be and be happy! Life is much better that way!

There is one person I talk to about ideas, and it's terrific. We literally talk about everything from life to death and everything inbetween. As morbid as it might be we've contemplated death and what is out in space and what happens after we die. Our existence on Earth is so unimportant compared to everything that is out in the universe. 

That's not to say we don't talk about people or events. But those aren't the main things we talk about. We talk about ideas and life and everything that goes with it. Every up and down life might throw at us. We talk about it all. Marriage, kids, jobs, family, school, daily occurrences, music, happy things, sad things, every little thing that happens. Life.

We aren't serious all of the time. We do joke about a lot and it probably isn't appropriate to talk about on here. But we have a well rounded friendship. I've never had a friendship like this one. Sometimes I forget how great it is to have someone like this in my life. I think everyone needs to have a Space Cadet in their life. There is so much to talk about with them.

The best part of being friends with a Space Cadet is that you will never be able to completely know and understand them. Their feet on on Earth but their minds are lost in the stars. And like the universe, a Space Cadet's mind is constantly changing. It makes life interesting.

I guess what I'm saying is don't limit your friends. Try to find someone who talks ideas. Who might be a little spacey. I promise you, life is a lot more interesting when you have a Space Cadet in your life.