Distance

Distance.

Miles.

Towns.

Roads.

Time.

People.

Space.

Distance.

It can be a very physical thing. I am 295.6 miles from home.
It can also be a very internal, emotional thing. I feel like I am a thousand miles away from you.
It can be both. I am 295.6 miles away from you but I feel like we are a thousand miles apart.

How do we get distance?

The physical distance is pretty self explanatory. You live in separate places. My home is in Sheridan and I live in Laramie.

The internal, emotional distance is not so self explanatory. When focusing on one person it's generally a mutual thing. But it can be one person pulling away from the other. I'm guilty of doing it and I've had it done to me.

I think we forget sometimes that the person we are distancing ourselves from is a person too. They have feelings. They have their own thoughts. Without good communication their thoughts and feelings seem to disappear. We live in a very egocentric society. We worry about how things affect (effect? I'm never sure which to use...) us, but not how it affects (effects) others.

Not that these people will ever read this, but I need to apologize for how I treated you. I knew it was wrong but I didn't want to hurt you, even though distancing myself like I did hurt you even more.


I notice the little changes and shifts in conversations with people. How often we talk now versus how often we talked a week or month ago. Even the ways in which we communicate. Facebook? Texting? Calling? Email? Face to face? What we actually talk about. Everything.

Generally, if I want you to be in my life, I make an effort to keep you in it. That's a pretty general thing that I think most people follow.

I get stuck sometimes thinking that everyone thinks like I do. "I'm talking to you because I like having you in my life. I'm going to make an effort every day to do that." That's how I feel people think because that's how I think. But I'm learning that's not the case.

Some people  pride themselves in communication and how well they might be able to navigate a conversation but their communication skills are sometimes less than par. And that's where the distance begins to start.

Communication is key to anything. Humans are social beings. If I notice someone not communicating how they convey their feelings, I question things.

When I question things my mind starts spinning a web that probably isn't the greatest. It's messy and filled with lies that my head made up. But are they all lies? Nobody will really know.

I'm just noticing a huge shift in conversation. It's not pleasant. I feel a distance growing. Maybe I should text you more..but the chances of a reply are slim. If I bring it up I'll just be rehashing things that should be left in the past with you.

I also put things into perspective. What they might be doing, their free time, etc. Maybe they can't respond right now, but they'll respond eventually, right? No. Just no. They don't respond.

But I'll keep texting you, sending you messages, in hopes that you'll actually respond to one.

Distance.
Slowly growing.
Slowly getting smaller.
Slowly making things hard.
Distance.