Change

I don't want this to be some cheesy post like, "Ooo! Fall means everything changes! Blah, blah blah." I have been thinking about this for quite some time.

When I'm on Pinterest I see this quote:

"You're not the same individual you were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. You're always growing. Experiences don't stop. That's life."

It always makes me think.. Because it is true. I am not the same person I was a year, month, or week ago. Everything that happens in my life changes me. Even if it's a slight change. Everything effects you. We wake up every day as a slightly new person, even if we don't see the change.

I did a little writing reflection thing ending my freshmen year about who I was, my personality, likes, dislikes, and things like that. I revisited it starting my sophomore year to see if my perspective about myself changed. And honestly, it wasn't as drastic as I had thought it would be.

The main thing I noticed was how much happier I was. Not that I was unhappy before, but I hadn't let some things go that I should have. Last summer allowed me to do that. I became a little more carefree and outgoing.

I am still an introvert. Like, 100% an introvert. However, between working with kids or starting band again, I was able to let myself be more outgoing than my introvert-ness would approve of. But I am happy doing it. I am happy to be my dorky, weird self. 

If I go back a year ago what I thought my life would be like is completely different than what it is. I would still be with my ex, I wouldn't have joined (and then quit) a cult/sorority, I would be eating healthy, I would've gotten a job at the YMCA, and many other things. Even though these things weren't always what I wanted, I have learned a lot. And they have shaped me into who I am.

• So my ex, (there might need to be an entire post about him because our past is very interesting and our friendship now is...odd). I'm not going to lie, I thought he was the one for me (as did many others). Hell, everyone thought we were together for the long run. Fall brings change and that's what happened to us. Very long story short; I almost lost my best friend. We both grew in separate ways and we just weren't working anymore. I have never been more afraid of losing someone than I was the majority of my freshmen year. And it showed. I acted like a crazy person. His friendship was, and still is, very important to me.

What I learned? I need to let go of some things to make room better things. Letting go is easier said than done. But it has to happen. I am very thankful for my past with this individual because it led to a better future for us. Even though we aren't together, we're closer now than we were when we were together.

Sometimes, the people we never expect to hurt us are the ones that hurt us the most. Not that they mean to, but we hold them up to such a high standard than anything they do can hurt.

• The cult. Oh boy. This probably needs it's own post too. So I'll keep this one short. My spring semester I decided to join a sorority. It was non-traditional and seemed a lot nicer and not as time consuming as the other sororities on campus. I was VERY wrong. I ended up terminating myself for a multiple of reasons I won't go into right now. Let's just say we didn't agree on how I should spend my time.

What I leaned? Even if you go into something with the best intentions, it might not work out and that's okay. I also learned that it is better to stand up for yourself than to let others walk over you. That's been a lesson in my life for years and it only took me 19 years to actually listen and act upon it.

• Eating healthy. Okay. So, I've had intentions coming to college to eat healthy and stay fit. It hasn't happened yet. I just can't get myself to buy healthy food. Nor can I get myself to drive to the gym to work out. But you know, maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't.

What I leaned? All sweets are good in moderation. :) I eat so many sweets, it's ridiculous. But I'm not unhealthy so I'm going to keep at it!

• I really wanted to work at the YMCA over the summer with their summer camps. After a week or two after school ended and I was home for the summer, I realized it wasn't happening and I needed to look elsewhere. So, I ended up working at a daycare over the summer which was such a great experience for me!

What I learned? You can't be upset when things don't go your way. Life won't always work out how we want it to. By working at the daycare I learned so much by just being around the kids. I became a little attached to a few kids. But by working there for the summer I've secured a job for my future breaks when I'm home, which is lovely. Plus, I'm getting teaching experience.

I guess my point is this:

Life is going to throw curve balls all the time. Things happen to everyone all the time, even when they're expecting things to go a different way. Just because we expect something to happen, does not mean it will happen. There are a lot of things that play into our choices and the choices of others.

Plus, we can't really know someone. We might say we do, but we will never be able to know exactly how someone is feeling, exactly how their feeling. We might be able to come close, but it will never be complete. The only person who truly knows me, is myself. That's a true statement for everyone else as well.

Just smile at life's unexpected occurrences no matter how terrible they seem. Life will always get better.